I recently read a post asking what would you do if your child wanted to be average? My first thought was nothing. Here’s why:
I grew up with severe hero worship. My sisters were on different ends of the personality spectrum, but both were bright stars in their own rights. Seriously, in our church circles they were the “Alford Girls”. People expected great things from them and got way above their expectations.
And then there was me.
I came out the womb fighting for a chance to be me. Naturally all those expectations shifted down and freaked me out. During the earlier years I might not have cared, but once I understood the responsibility, I caught my first taste of rebellion.
I wanted to be average and ordinary. I wanted to fit in and not be noticed.
Not many people know this, but I’m partially deaf. Really. I can not explain how much trouble I got into before this was discovered. Back in the day when public schools had gifted or magnet programs, one could feel really special about being a part of that…I didn’t. I felt like I was a fraud and had convinced myself that I was there only because of my sisters. I spent most of my primary education being pulled out class by a speech pathologist to learn how to work my situation. They wanted to teach me sign language but I refused, I already stood out. So I learned to lip read really well. Frustration doesn’t even cover that process. Do you know you can’t say what you don’t hear? There are syllables, sounds and complete words I couldn’t hear and therefore couldn’t say. It was hard work dealing with this and at some point I decided I wanted to be ordinary. As God and I continue to take inventory of me, I realize a few things. My wanting to be average is a form of rebellion. (I might have mentioned I’m in constant battle with this spirit). I don’t want the weight of expectations and responsibilities that come from other people, especially if those people matter to me. Which is all tied up in fear. I don’t want to disappoint folks, so if there are no expectations there can be no disappointment. Kinda like you can’t fail if you don’t try.
As God changes the view of my past, I notice that I wasn’t that bad. Musically, I can pick out and sing the alto note out of any song. Educationally, I might not have been a genius, but I held my own. As for hearing, most people don’t even know I can’t hear worth a darn. But please know, if I can’t see I can’t hear.
Wrapping this up, if someone says they want to be ordinary, dig deeper. I can almost bet there’s an issue unaddressed there….unless it’s laziness and that’s a tough spirit to tangle with too.
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