Song: I’m Encouraged by Thomas Whitfield
Rough title, I know.
If you weren’t aware, I’ve got some health issues that are physically creeping into the psychological.
(That was good 🧐).
So I always seem to be struggling with something. Physically I can handle it; it’s when I try to marry my situations with my understanding of God that the battle begins. I’d like to think we have moved beyond believing sickness and poverty are indicative of the absence of God. Perhaps.
I’d like to think that we’ve embraced being saved by grace and not by our works. Maybe. We give good lip service to this one, but do we really believe it? Personally, I’m not sure.
Have you ever felt something inside that refutes what is being said to you? I get this feeling all the time.
Let me start by saying, I will not die, not now and not from this. I appreciate the prayers and words of healing that are spoken over and to me. But something inside me says not now, not yet. I can’t deny the changes this process has yielded, but doubt is ever present. I always think: maybe if I was more of an extrovert, I’d get better. Maybe if I did more noticeably religious stuff, I’d get better. Maybe if I was still a virgin, this wouldn’t be so hard. Etc, etc, etc.
I often feel like I’m still trying to earn God’s love, favor and attention. I envy those that cry when they bring that one thing to mind or dance so easily just thinking about His goodness.
That’s not me.
I often play the mental “what if” game and there I go in distraction land.
Still grasping that I am loved just because I am.
Thank You God