Month: March 2018

I’ve just finished a devotional called “My Spirit, My Responsibility”. Enlightening to say the least. It reminded me that all I have control over is what I expose myself to and how I respond.
Have you ever been around someone with a critical spirit? It’s tiring to say the least. There can be a problem that everyone can see, but someone with that spirit will complain, scoff and offer no solutions, even if they have the skill set to fix it. This spirit will also keep you bound to things….completely unreceptive to change…and here is where I found my mirror.
It dawned on me that my being mostly immalleable is a form of mistrust. (Surprised? Yeah, me neither). It’s me telling God that I’m good on my own and will reject any changes to what I’ve planned, so I complain and nitpick at anything that doesn’t fit my ideal. Wow.
I then realized that if these were biblical times, I’d be a Pharisee. (Eww, shuddering😖)
Because that was their mindset. Jesus came offering freedom and acceptance to groups other than the Jews and the pharisees rejected Him because they were ok with the tablets, the law. Then they proceeded to “infect” others with their doubting, religious, complaining spirit. I desperately don’t want to be that person who rejects the Savior and all He has to offer.
So as this Easter Sunday approaches, I pray that you ask for your own reflection mirror so you have more room to accept the Risen Lord.
Thank You God

My family and I often go out to dinner after church on Sunday because it’s simply when we’re all in the same place at the same time. This Sunday I accidentally brushed against the table and got a sharp wave of pain in my belly. It didn’t hurt enough for an external reaction, but inside I was wondering why would I still be tender? My last surgery was 2 months ago…..And so came my waterfall of thoughts.
Perhaps like myself, you have heard multiple messages and songs about being the hands and feet of Christ. We instantly think it’s completely about serving others and perhaps will consider where our natural gifts are best used. There is nothing wrong with that…But…may I submit for your consideration a different perspective?
What if being the hands and feet of Christ is about transparency? I have often questioned myself if I would go through another surgery just to cover all my scars if they were more visible. Honestly, I don’t know. But I do know that my scars and the process to get them has made me more open and receptive to other people.
John 20:20 tells us that Jesus showed Himself to His disciples and proved His identity by showing His scars. Now I wonder why the marks didn’t disappear? If I had the power to rise from the dead, I can assure you I’d have skin smoother than a baby’s bottom. When/if you keep reading you’ll see His encounter with Thomas or as we call him “doubting Thomas”. It became clear to me; touching the scars is when Thomas believed. To whom do you or I need to show our scars to so they can believe? One of the greatest tricks of the enemy is isolation. He whispers in your ear that you are all alone and no understands and the world reinforces this idea with all the beautiful people carefully put together. If you cross my path I am no longer afraid to show you my scars. Physically I’m pretty jacked up, but I’ve never been more proud to be me after my processes.
Thank You God

I don’t even know where to start.
I think I’ve finally gotten the all clear from UCLA regarding my kidney.
YAY!!!!
My labs are the best they’ve ever been and I’m so grateful. On the way home I freaked all the way out. Clearly my life isn’t going to end, not now and not from this. I’ve been feeling a shift in my atmosphere for a while, but didn’t know what that meant. Still don’t. So I go into instant Robin mode: details, logistics and busyness; mentally. By the time I arrived at home I was nearly unconscious with anxiety and apprehension. Sometimes you have to talk yourself down.
I remembered each time I’ve felt this way before. That borderline fear/excitement that can almost paralyze you into complete immobility. So I decided to practice my new coping mechanism of talking to God aloud.
“God, I’m freaked, but thank You for the blessings already bestowed on me”. “God, I’ve got 4 months till my one year transplant anniversary and I haven’t even begun to fill out job applications, but I’m trying and trusting that Your plans and timing are perfect”. “God, my self esteem is pretty low right now and I can’t even imagine what marketable skills I have for this day and age, but I remember the job you gave me before when the supervisor told me she didn’t want to hire me, so I rest knowing, “Nothing is impossible for You”.
Moral of the story: encourage yourself, meditate on things to combat your voiced fears in your head, and if you believe God is Sovereign…..Romans 8:28.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
‭‭Thank You God

In plain sight.
I now understand how you can lose time with no intention to do so. I intentionally watched one video and before I knew it, I had watched 5 more and 30 minutes of my life was missing. Luckily I have ADD when it comes to watching, well, anything. So the videos may last 8 minutes max….
The last one was a beauty tutorial that seem to be so popular these days. I will admit I was absolutely riveted. This perfectly cute young lady put on a crepe, pancake and Belgian waffle worth of makeup. Then she added fruit, butter, whipped cream and syrup in color. The result was nothing short of stunning. But…as beautiful as the result was, she no longer looked anything like herself. Surprisingly my first thought wasn’t “how to I replicate that”, it was “what are you hiding?”.
This week in my devotions was a spotlight on an issue I didn’t even know I had. Somewhere in my religious upbringing, I got the idea that I as a woman should never shine brighter than those around me, or that receiving compliments makes you prideful and pride is a sin. Or perhaps it was no matter how great you are, there is always someone greater. Did I mention I’m a very messy hodgepodge of stuff.
Part of me thinks it’s all that and a good dose of dysfunction in my household; because my sisters suffer from the same crazy. People sometimes see the 3 of us as a clique, we’re not. What we are is a surrounding safety net for each other and those we let in. You may see the shine, but you don’t know about the polishing processes.
This week I got a handful of scriptures to combat my “natural”/(nurtured) inclination not to be noticed:
Psalms 75:6-7; God gives promotion.
Matthew 5:15-16; Don’t hide your light under a bushel, but let your light so shine that men give glory to God.
There are others, but the essence is the same, you were not made to hide your gifts, talents or yourself. Don’t let other people’s insecurities, feelings of envy and just plain old hate stop you from giving God a good return on the talents He gave you (Matthew 15).
Thank You God